Saturday 28 August 2004



I re-took my Exchange 2000 Server exam this morning (after failing it last week boo!)… and I passed.

Now I am a qualified MCP in Windows 2000 Professional, Windows 2000 Server and Exchange 2000 Server.


Friday 27 August 2004

How’s The Colour?

This is one of my dad’s shirts. What do you think? Colour looks good on me doesn’t it.

*sorry, I’ve lost the image!*

It was a present from my brother to my dad and he’d never worn it before. I wasn’t too sure about the colour when I saw it first thing this morning but after a few hours of wearing it, it grew on me.

I rather like it… and unfortunately because it was a present I can’t keep it – but I will be buying one just like it for myself.

Wednesday 25 August 2004

New Haircut

I got my hair cut yesterday, what do you think?

Tuesday 24 August 2004

Four Candles?

In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.

CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.

(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)

BARKER: Four Candles!

CORBETT: Four Candles?

BARKER: Four Candles.

(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)

BARKER: No, four candles!

CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!

BARKER: No, fork ‘andles! ‘Andles for forks!

(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said ‘four candles!’ (more clearly) Next?

BARKER: Got any plugs?

CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?

BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.

(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)

CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?

BARKER: Thirteen amp!

CORBETT (muttering): It’s electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!

(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)

BARKER: Saw tips!

CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn’t know what he means) What d’you want? Ointment, or something like that?

BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.

CORBETT: Oh, haven’t got any, haven’t got any. (he mutters) Comin’ in, but we haven’ got any. Next?




(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)

BARKER: No, ‘O’s!

CORBETT: ‘O’s! I thought you said ‘O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said ‘O’s, I thought you said ‘O! ‘O’s!

(He places the hose onto the counter)

BARKER: No, ‘O’s!

CORBETT (confused for a moment): O’s? Oh, you mean panty ‘o’s, panty ‘o’s! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)

BARKER: No, no, ‘O’s! ‘O’s for the gate. Mon repose! ‘O’s! Letter O’s!

CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O’s! (muttering) You had me going there!

(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O’s)

CORBETT: How many d’you want?


(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O’s on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)

CORBETT: Yes, next?

BARKER: Got any P’s?

CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd’ sake, why didn’ you bleedin’ tell me that while I was up there then? I’m up and down the shop already, it’s up and down the bleedin’ shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I’ve got all this shop, I ain’t got any help, it’s worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P’s) How many d’you want?

BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!

CORBETT: You’re ‘avin’ me on, ain’t ya, yer ‘avin’ me on?

BARKER: I’m not!

(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)

CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?

BARKER: Got any pumps?

CORBETT (getting really fed up): ‘And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!

BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!

CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in ‘ere.

(He puts the pump down on the counter)

BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!

CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are ‘avin’ me on, you are definitely ‘avin’ me on!

BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett’s mood): I’m not!

CORBETT: You are ‘avin’ me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?

BARKER: Washers!

CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?

BARKER: ‘Alf inch washers!

CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I’ve had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I’ll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What’s this? What’s that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of ‘im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what ‘e’s got on there! Look what ‘e’s got on there!

JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?

(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer – ‘Bill hooks’!)

Sunday 22 August 2004

What The Movies Have Taught Me

This was stolen from Bonnie’s Xanga page:

* It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

* Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

* During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

* If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

* When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

* Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

* Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

* A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

* Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

* It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

* Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

*An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

* It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

* You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war – unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

Friday 13 August 2004

Mmmm New Hard Drive

I got a new hard drive for my server 2 days ago. A brand new Western Digital 160GB (with 8MB cache) monster.

I shifted my drives around inside, and turned the server back on, and there was the new drive… totally empty. *drool* All that space!

It’s all for my music though, nothing else 😉

Formatting that bitch took forever, almost half a day!! But as soon as it was done, I could start moving over 10 thousand music files onto it from the old MP3 drive.

Once that’s done I’ve got to move everything from my Users partition onto the old MP3 drive, then work out the best way to delete said partition and expand the System partition into the newly freed space giving Windows the full 20GB drive instead of being crammed into only 10GB.

I’ve already moved over 20GB as I’m writing this, and I’m working through the remaining 30GB. Sure takes a while to move that much data around!

It’ll be nice to have some free space for my data, my brother filled up Users the other day copying Viva La Bam episodes to it. You think 60GB is enough? 😉

Thursday 12 August 2004

Spam Gets Smart?

I just received a spam email. Not a great surprise I know, considering I get around 100 a day, but this one I found rather interesting.

The subject was obvious an advert, as was the Sender’s name but I was curious so I opened it in Outlook 2003 which is set to open messages without downloading the pictures they contain (potential web bugs and tracking!)

I wanted to see the addresses of the images to see if they were set to track the people that open it, and as I looked at the source, I saw some hidden text in amongst the html code…


Hey Man,

Thanks for the reply on the card and letter. It is really good to hear from you…

I got your message last week on Thursday but I didn’t have time to reply as we were heading up. Paul’s mom and Dad (Paul mom is divorced for the third time and Dad is on third marriage…now that is a record) turned 70 this December and we had a big party for them at the Sutton Place Hotel on Saturday. They are really good friends and Marilyn, Paul’s dad’s wife gets along very well with Paul’s mom. So, it was a really lavish event and both Paul’s brother’s were there with their families.

We really like coming there for visit but it can be exhausting especially if word gets out that we are in town. Lunches, dinners, coffee here and there…we have started not telling people when we are coming so we have a bit of city time to ourselves. It is all in great fun and we appreciate the effort ours friends do make to see us… I can’t believe all the building and growth! God help us if we ever have to move back…Real Estate is so expensive…

My mom and Dad are ok…Dad had to retire last year with all that mess at the Elevator. He is trying to adjust and it is a bit hard for him. My mom, well, my mom is not in the best of health. I don’t know if you know but she had a heart attack last November 2002. She has diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure….the list seems to go on. She is trying the best she can but some days it is pretty hard and Dad is trying his best to take care of her as well . She is really not the same mom…ever since her aneurysm…I can’t really explain it…she is negative and kind of depressed at times. She has a horrible time remembering things and will tell me stuff over and over again! Eek! Poor Dad. They are managing. I just hope nothing happens to my Dad or I don’t know what I will do.

Jason is doing well. He has a new girlfriend (I think it has been almost 2 years now). She is great. Won’t replace Jill but all the same I am happy he is moving forward. He was very touched by the card/letter and stuff toy you sent him…brought tears to his eyes. It was a really hard time for everyone…especially his little daughter, Jessica. She is a real cutie-pie and smart like a whip. Jason and Shyanne bought a nice house in Abbotsford and Jessica goes to the school down the street from mom and dad so they can do daycare for him.

You have to check this picture out.


Whoever wrote this spam spent a lot of time over it, or they just ripped off someone else’s legitimate personal email and attach it as part of their scum so people might actually open it. Maybe this is the way things are moving, away from a whole ton of random letters and words and onto entire grammatically correct sentences. That’ll fuck with the Bayesian filters.

Spammers should be hunted down and murdered. They are scum.

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